Starting From The First Light Of My Window

I woke up(: Turned on my aging/dying desktop(: and I checked my email, haha i had a reply from an awesome friend from Fanfiction.net (i highly recommend it) Kandakicksass is the best of my far away friends haha, so i snapped up a long and quirky and witty reply haha (my specialty i presume is making people laugh) (it's a nice feeling knowing somebody smiled because of me :)) (yes, i'm a huge softy who has fluffy images of love and sweetness in her head) (sorry but that's about 10% of my dreams) after that i clicked on a link when to FF.net and started reading a few more Vampire Knight fanfic's, all about KanameXZero yaoi smexy goodness (yeah i'm also a perv. heh i'm a mass of contradictions i swear.) I just sat down and watched the last few minutes of Eragon, and then i watched an hour of Julie & Julia, then finished with and hour and a half of Air Buddies so yeah pretty uneventful although of course i cried when Brom died, and when Sapphyra appeared dead (yeah i'm pretty emotional, sue me k? :)) I took out the laundry mom left for me to take out, played a bit with my fat, spoiled cat Miguel (he's gray, looks like he wears eyeliner and is the poofier, smaller version of his (dead) mommy Artemis, and there's not a trace of his (dead) daddy in him (who was a fat orange tabby named Apollo, see the trend? :)) and right now as i type, Miguel is curled in my lap, purring his little heart away, and i'm listening to "The Airway" since Owl City is my favorite and all of a city i'm thinking about Harry Potter. hmm. awkward haha.  I saw a pretty Charcoal Grey Halter Dress by Flirt 4372 and i wished with all my heart i had that model's body, but beauty isn't everything, and i know her life isn't perfect but in that photo she could probably fool even herself. So then i started looking up corsets and decided on an overbust one, but they're uber expensive and i can't afford one at this time so i'm also cursing my lack of money, (i can imagine your response...Get A Job) (too bad haha...i'm 14) and wow am i mad, but i found a bunch of beautiful corsets that i love, but can't afford so i have a love/hate relationship with the internet and the economy and grr i want to hit something xD. So now it's "Saltwater Room" and i'm surprised at how long i've been typing since i'm already on  Ocean Eyes, and now i'm up to my neck in self-doubt and confidence oddly enough, and i have this odd sensation in my heart, i feel like wrapping myself in a snug sweater and losing myself in it, and just trusting its softness to keep me happy and safe so now i guess i'm coming off as lonely and pathetic and yeah i guess you could say that. I mean, i have friends, and i guess i'm glad they're just friends, i have some best friends that i don't really know anything about, i have a crush on a guy i love to hate, i find myself becoming conceited despite the fact that i have little self worth or even self understanding. i have a good amount of self respect and although i have no idea who i am and am perpetually confused about who i'm supposed to be or whatever the latest novel is telling me, i'm just going to shut up right now, end this post, go take a long hot shower and will myself to accept me for who i am. So that's exactly what i'll do. I would love to be a beauty, but for now, i'm content to be jolie laide and to be truthful...i'm north of beautiful.