Smitten With Smoldering Sycophants

I guess i could say I've always been taken advantage of. But that would be giving you way too much credit. Can i help it that i never liked saying "No." I'm pretty sure that I'm still human. A fragile, insecure, terrified human. I guess i doomed myself right from the beginning. Why oh why didn't i learn my lesson? Why oh why did i try so hard to be weird, to stand out, to be different? Couldn't i have put on a mask and blended in with you? Couldn't i have just stood up for myself? All those years, i was teased and tortured and made to feel like dirt. They were all my fault. I tried. I bragged, and puffed myself up, tried to intimidate, but no i was foolish. Still am actually. Hiding behind a thinly veiled screen of superiority. I've always sympathized with The Wizard himself. Respect was so valuable he paraded as the All Knowing of Oz. But the truths hurt so much. What would you do if i told you, I'm not smart??? I'm just a fraud. My so called "Brains" are just a result of loneliness, sarcasm, and incoherence. I lost myself in the books i read, i memorized the things i know now as a way to lose myself even more. I hid and rearranged myself and now what am i left with? A facade of intelligence and absolutely no emotions whatsoever. While other teenagers are asking themselves, Who Am I? I'm asking myself, How Do I Lose Myself More???